


Fear and Loathing

by FizzyCustard



Category: seaQuest, seaQuest 2032 - Fandom, seaQuest DSV
Genre: Age Difference, Altered Mental States, Anxiety, Explicit Language, F/M, Forbidden Love, Hallucinations, Hearing Voices, Illness, Mental Instability, Navy, Nightmares, Paranoia, Romance, Violence, imposter syndrome
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:09:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25790374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FizzyCustard/pseuds/FizzyCustard
Summary: (Part 2 of The Right Thing - this will be a chaptered fic) Captain Hudson knows that you and Lucas are more than just friends, and after changing your shift rotations to make sure you're not on duty together, you take things into your own hands and request a transfer from seaQuest. Before your transfer can be processed, officers and crew begin showing signs of extreme anxiety, anger and paranoia. Some are worse affected than others, you being one of them. Can you fight for not only your relationship with Lucas but your state of mind?
Relationships: Lucas Wolenczak/Original Female Character(s), Lucas Wolenczak/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> As stated the summary, this is a continuation of 'The Right Thing', which has set up your relationship with Lucas - this being a reader insert. This will be a chaptered fic, and I hope to update as often as I can. I've very much enjoyed getting back into the seaQuest fandom. Enjoy!

**Chapter 1**

For the next two months, you found that hiding your relationship with Lucas from the stern and abrupt Captain Hudson, seemed to keep a spark alight. Time alone together was limited but you both enjoyed it and anticipated the end of working shifts. Practically everyone aboard knew of the relationship, apart from Hudson and Lieutenant Fredricks, who had served for some years under his command before coming aboard seaQuest. You didn’t trust her enough with something this private and potentially career shattering if it was handled the wrong way.

One day you were in your usual seat next to Lucas on the bridge. The two of you were laughing quite loudly when Hudson strolled through the large, steel double doors. “Please do share with all of us what is so amusing, Lieutenant. Has this place turned into a playground? Maybe I should treat you like children and separate you,” Hudson growled, scowling at you both.

“I’m sorry, Sir. It won’t happen again,” you apologised with a blush.

“Make sure it doesn’t!” Hudson instructed.

A heavy feeling sat in the pit of your stomach for the remainder of the morning, until you were approached by Hudson. “A word, please, in my quarters, Lieutenant,” he told you.

The heaviness suddenly got even stronger, feeling like an elephant was standing on your head, pressing you down into the floor. Your legs were weak, but you remained calm and composed outwardly, and followed the Captain off the bridge.

“Close the door and take a seat,” he told you.

With a deep breath, you sat down. You could feel a thin layer of sweat beginning to drop from under your hair, and you prayed that Hudson couldn’t see it.

“Lieutenant,” Hudson began, folding his hands on his desk. “It’s been a pleasure so far to have you aboard, but I’m concerned about your relationship with Ensign Wolenczak. You work well together; there’s no denying that. But you sometimes appear a little _too_ close for my liking.”

“We’re very close friends, Sir. We’ve been through a lot together the last two years, and it’s difficult to not bond,” you replied.

“I want to make you aware that if two officers are found to be sharing in a relationship which is more than professional in nature, they can both be stripped of rank and ejected from Naval duty. You are aware, Lieutenant?”

“Yes, Sir. And I can assure you that Ensign Wolenczak and I are only close friends,” you lied.

“Good. I’d hate to lose one of my best officers, and one who is upcoming and showing a lot of potential. Dismissed, Lieutenant.”

“Yes, Sir,” you replied, saluted, and left the room.

On the bridge and you sheepishly sat back down, noticing pairs of eyes watching you in interest.

“What happened?” Lucas whispered, leaning across his seat towards you.

“We need to talk tonight,” you whispered back, your gaze making sure that no one was in close enough proximity to hear you. “I think Hudson suspects what’s going on.”

“What? How?” Shock was present in his harsh whisper.

“I don’t know. Shh!” you instructed.

Lucas looked up to see Captain Hudson come strolling back on to the bridge. He noticed you and the Captain exchange knowing glances.

It was incredibly tense on the bridge that afternoon, just like it had been when you and Lucas first started exploring your feelings. Had someone whistle blown? Surely not. Those who knew of your relationship were close friends with you both. Not even Jonathan Ford, the second in command, would have dropped you into such a tight spot. He may have been professional, sticking to Naval code, but he was also understanding and compassionate. Commander Ford was human, recognising the flaws, yet beauty, of our nature.

When it was time for shift rotation, you walked off the bridge quickly, leaving Lucas behind to untangle himself from his headset and leave his seat in a rush. By the time he got through the doors and you had already turned the corner towards your quarters.

“We need to talk,” he demanded.

You stopped and sighed, feeling tears begin to fill your eyes. “After dinner.”

Lucas’ stomach was flipping from that time onwards, and he knew there was no way that he could eat and keep it down. Your relationship wasn’t going to last and that terrified him. The very thing that kept him happy and helped him get out of bed in a morning was falling apart.

Lucas remained in his quarters for an hour, looking at the photos of him and you that he had kept hidden in a book on his desk. You both looked so happy and in love with life. Behind your uniform was someone who was always laughing, never without a kind word and a keen mind for art, music and literature. There was nothing about you, when out of uniform, that screamed Navy.

Suddenly there was a knock and he turned to see you peep your head around the door. Like him, you were still in uniform. You said his name softly and stood before him. You took his hand and held it against your chest. Tears were falling down your cheeks.

He released your hand, cupped your cheeks and kissed you. Both of you became caught up in the waves of passion, and as you parted, you couldn’t help but sob.

“Come here,” Lucas whispered. He took you into his arms and kissed your head. “We’ll sort something. I promise.”

“We can’t carry on, Lucas. Hudson basically threatened me with the fact that if we’re caught then we’ll be thrown off seaQuest and out of the Navy. We’re risking our careers.”

“Fuck my career!” Lucas exclaimed. “I love you.”

Hearing those words made your body jolt. You closed your eyes for a second, composing yourself. “You throw yourself into everything head first and never think of the consequences. You almost resigned from seaQuest for a girl you’d known one night.”

“What are you saying? That I don’t know anything? I’m still a child,” Lucas growled.

“I never said that. You need to think, and I mean well and truly. Think about what you want.”

“Oh, and you don’t need to consider that? I can already gather your answer. I’m not enough. Your rank and career is more important than me.”

“You’re putting words in my mouth, Lucas!” you exclaimed, throwing your hands up for emphasis. “I’d do anything for you, and you know that. I always have. I’ve stayed up with you at night, protected you, loved you.” You couldn’t help but sit down on the edge of Tony’s bunk and weep.

Lucas got down on his knee before you and held your hands in his. “What do you want?” he asked softly.

“To be happy with you. Care free,” you replied.

Lucas smiled as he heard those words. “And I want you to be happy. I’m willing to do whatever it takes.”

You loved that so much about Lucas. He followed his heart and would do anything for it. All or nothing. You leaned forward and kissed him again, and this time he moved upwards and over you, with you lying back on the bed. His confidence had soared to new heights and he often took control of your intimacy, despite it being limited due to circumstances.

At dinner you sat with Lucas and Lonnie. The conversation turned to your chat with Hudson earlier.

“Someone must have told him,” you said.

“I don’t think so,” Lonnie replied. “You know that not one of us would have said anything. I think he’s reading between the lines.”

Suddenly Commander Ford called both you and Lucas to him. He remained silent and guided you down to the Ward Room, which was empty. All of you stepped inside.

“Captain Hudson has requested you be separated on opposite shift rotations. Lucas, you’ll stay on the day shifts that’s running presently.” Then he turned to you. “You’ll go on duty tomorrow night with Brody and Piccolo.”

“Why is he doing this?” Lucas asked.

“You know why,” you replied angrily.

“I’m sorry,” Ford said sadly. “I tried to reason with him but he wasn’t listening.”

Later that evening, Lucas was in your quarters. The two of you were discussing Hudson’s latest move to keep you both apart.

“He’s serious about this, Lucas,” you began. “He won’t stop until we never see each other at all. We can’t keep a relationship going like this. He knows we’re together. This isn’t a way of just making sure; he knows.”

“Even before we were officially together as a couple, Captain Bridger saw us together all the time and never suspected a thing.”

“To him I was your mother hen,” you said softly, smiling weakly. You remembered happier times and wished that they still existed.

***

The next morning, while you remained in your quarters, preparing ahead of your night shift, Lucas was called into the Ward Room with the Captain.

“Mr. Wolenczak,” Hudson said, turning towards Lucas once the door had been closed. “You’re probably aware of why I want to speak with you.” Then he said your name with a sigh. “I’m aware that you two have probably become a lot closer than you should have.”

“If you’re referring to an intimate relationship, then no, Sir. We’re very good friends.”

“Ensign, take a seat.”

Lucas sat opposite Hudson, his hands beginning to shake and sweat with nervousness and apprehension.

“I know how feelings can develop when you’re constantly around the same people. We bond through hardships. And you’re still an impressionable young man.”

“What are you saying, Captain?” Lucas asked, leaning across the table a little. “If you think she’s somehow managed to talk me into…”

“No, I’m not saying that. You’re still young and have plenty of time.”

“With all due respect, Sir, dating and my personal life isn’t really something I’d like to share.”

“While you’re on _my_ boat and under _my_ command, Ensign, none of it is personal,” Hudson countered in irritation. “I’m well aware that you spend a lot of time in one another’s quarters, and you really think I’m that stupid? Take this as a warning to you both to stop this right now!”

Lucas glared at Hudson angrily.

“Dismissed, Ensign.”

Lucas stormed out of the Ward Room, smacking into Dagwood on the way who was busy cleaning the hallway floor.

“Lucas?” Dagwood called innocently after his friend. Lucas never replied and disappeared out of sight of the dagger.

In the Moon Pool, Lucas paced in front of Darwin. The dolphin looked on in interest, his head just above the water. Why was Hudson being such a bastard? Couldn’t Navy officers find love, settle down and be human? And why couldn’t it be with someone they worked with? How else would Lucas have time to meet anyone? It was true what Hudson had said: people bond during hardship. That was exactly what had helped Lucas fall for you as deeply as he had. You helped him through his hardship which was mainly feeling unimportant and lonely. Everything was being ripped away from him and it was at times such as these that he missed Nathan Bridger more than he could express.

Once Lucas finally returned to duty, Hudson was waiting on the bridge. He shot over to Lucas, inches away from his face. “Next time that you decide to just disappear from your duty because you have been told something you don’t like, I’ll have you thrown into the brig for subordination.”

“Lucas, don’t be stupid,” a voice came from behind him.

You were stood just behind Lucas, looking toward the two fired up men. In your hand was an envelope. “I wish to request a transfer, Captain,” you announced.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really can't help myself when it comes to writing Lucas as a sulking, whiny little brat. Hahaha! Enjoy! Kudos and comments are greatly welcomed.

** Chapter 2 **

****

Captain Hudson ushered you into his quarters, and Lucas automatically followed on behind without any prompt. Lucas’ heart was racing frantically. He was losing you. And how could he stop it?

With a loud sigh, Hudson sat behind his desk. “I hope to get back to running this vessel sometime today,” he said sarcastically.

“I’m sorry, Sir,” you apologised. “I’m aware of problems that have occurred due to my personal conduct with Ensign Wolenczak, and that is why I wish to request a transfer.” You stood upright, your hands behind your back, much in contrast to Lucas’ defensive posture of his crossed arms.

Lucas was aghast at you. “You can’t!”

You placed your official request of transfer down on Hudson’s desk. “Thank you, Lieutenant,” Hudson said.

“You can’t actually accept this!” Lucas shouted, glaring at the Captain and pointing at the white envelope for emphasis.

Hudson’s jaw clenched in frustration and his eyes darkened. “You will control yourself, Ensign, or it will be you I transfer. She has every right to request transfer, and I thank you for your professionalism, Lieutenant.”

“Thank you, Sir,” you replied, still remaining composed.

“Ensign, please return to your station. Lieutenant, I’d like a word.”

Lucas looked at you sadly, a stray tear falling down his cheek. Then he left the room, his shoulders hunched, the weight of the world resting upon them.

You continued to be composed, despite your heart shattering. By giving in to your feelings and instincts, you were now jeopardising your career.

“Take a seat,” Hudson instructed. It was quite plain for him to see the pain in your eyes that you were trying so hard to conceal. Hudson’s face softened and he sighed. “I was his age once, believe it or not, and he still has a lot of growing up to do in order to fill that uniform. Losing either of you is the last thing that I want to see happen, but may I give you a piece of advice?”

“Of course.”

“Don’t keep letting him push you to take full responsibility for this. Be accountable for your actions, and yours alone. Maybe the shift rotation change was a little harsh. Whilst I consider your transfer request, you’ll go back to your original shift pattern as of now. However, outside of duty and meal times, you and Mr. Wolenczak are under strict orders to remain separated. If I find that either of you have broken this order, you’ll both be dismissed from duty immediately.”

“Thank you for understanding, Sir,” you said, saluted, and left.

You returned to the bridge and sat beside Lucas in your usual spot. “Keep quiet, and that’s an order, Ensign,” you instructed, never looking at him. However, you could imagine his expression, but couldn’t bring yourself to look.

“Is everything alright, Lieutenant?” Commander Ford asked, approaching your station.

“Yes, Commander. Captain Hudson has changed my shift rotation back to its original pattern while my request for transfer is considered.” You knew that the others on the bridge were having their ears filled with your personal business, but you resigned yourself to the fact that they would all eventually find out what was happening.

For the rest of the day you and Lucas remained quiet, barely speaking but a handful of words to each other, which were always in connection with duty. Each time Hudson gave an order, you could see Lucas’ jaw clench tight and sheer loathing flash in his eyes. Hudson had understood you far more than you ever thought he would, and considering his authority, he hadn’t brought punishment down upon you that was as firm as other captains. The very first captain of seaQuest, Marilyn Stark, who perished after going rogue in her extreme ideas, would have probably recommended complete stripping of your rank and Lucas’, calling for your dismissal from the Navy and UEO. No way would you have been employed for either again, not even for a desk job in headquarters. There were certainly harsher captains to serve under.

At dinner, Lucas came behind you, holding an empty food tray. “What are you doing?” he growled in your ear.

“I’m doing what needs to be done, Lucas,” you hissed back in response. You never turned to see his face, but you could imagine his infamous sulking pout. The food you had put on your tray didn’t seem all that appealing, and as you gazed over it, your stomach began to lurch, and you could feel the all too familiar palpitations in your chest. It all seemed stronger than usual, until you lost your grip on the tray and it fell to the floor. All of a sudden you found yourself on the floor next to your tray. Lucas’ voice broke through the cloud of grogginess and dizziness that was surrounding you. Every breath you took and it felt like splintered glass in your chest.

“I’ll take her to Med Bay,” Lucas told the small gathering around you. Eyes were looking down on you and voices were loud, chattering at you and through you. The faces looked as though they were dissolving; you blinked hard, causing flashes of light to break through the darkness beneath your eyelids. Lucas tried to help you up, but you toppled to the side, nearly taking him down to the floor with you.

There was a small commotion around you as officers flitted in and out, and Lonnie finally returned with a wheelchair.

Lucas wheeled you out, and still your vision remained blurred. It was like a sheet of blue and silver before your eyes with flashes of beige and other colours, moving this way and that. Breath was passing through you a little easier now and the chest pain was subsiding.

In the Med Bay and the doctor, a middle-aged Irish fellow with glasses, began to inspect you, asking about your symptoms. By now and you felt jittery, as if your muscles were contracting more than they should have been. A fluttering was still present in your gut and chest.

“It sounds like a panic attack to me,” the doctor mused. “But the fact you fainted and have blurred vision is what is concerning me. Maybe a sudden change in blood pressure? I’d like to take blood samples and keep you in overnight.”

“Do you think it’s serious?” Lucas asked in concern.

You sat on the edge of the bed, your fingers gripping the sheets. Lucas and the doctor’s voices seemed to drift away as you felt the hair on your neck stand to attention, and subconsciously your teeth ground against one another.

Captain Hudson appeared at your bedside after he’d heard of what had happened. “Lieutenant,” he began. Then his suspicious gaze shot to Lucas, who was stood the other side of your bed. “Ensign, the doctor can do his job from here.”

“Yes, Sir,” Lucas replied, venom dripping from his tone. He shot one last concerned and sad glance at you before disappearing.

“I want to keep her overnight for observation, Captain,” the doctor began. “The passing out and blurred vision is what’s concerning me.”

“Do what you need to, Doctor. I just want my Lieutenant back in one piece,” Hudson said.

You couldn’t help but smile, feeling a spot of admiration for your captain. He may have been stern and abrupt, but he cared for his crew and looked after them well.

“I admired your actions today. It’s your integrity that I greatly appreciate. Get some rest,” Hudson said, shooting you a faint smile before walking out of the room.

The next half an hour was the doctor examining you. Eye test, hearing test, blood pressure, blood test and urine sample. Naturally your blood pressure was a little elevated due to the stressors on your body. The blood test would be ready the following morning; every aspect of your body’s function would be tested.

Lonnie came to visit shortly before the doctor was due to finish. “Do you want me to bring you anything?” she asked kindly. You asked for your journal and current novel you were reading.

By the time that it was half ten, you could feel fatigue setting in. Calm had come over you again, and you lay down, closing your eyes. Waves and the moon. Black sky and sparkling stars. Lucas holding you. They way it should have been. And as you drifted away into sleep, you never noticed one tear fall down your cheek.

As you ate breakfast the next morning in the Med Bay, the doctor began reading through your test results. He furrowed his eyebrows; the blood test showed normal activity for your immune system, sugar and lipids, but your hormone levels showed a significant drop in serotonin and high adrenaline levels. An unknown viral strain was present but its DNA did not match anything in the medical database.

“Good morning, Lieutenant,” he said. He pulled up a chair next to your bed.

“Morning, Doctor,” you replied, swallowing a mouthful of toast.

“I’ve looked over your blood test results this morning, and whilst most of it is normal, your blood is showing a dip in serotonin levels and an unknown viral toxin.”

“Virus?” you asked, shocked. You had been under the impression that all this was was a panic attack induced by stress.

“A panic attack makes sense with the lowered levels of serotonin and elevated adrenaline. But this virus concerns me as I’m not sure if it was responsible for the symptoms in the first place.”

“I’ve suffered with anxiety for some years, Doctor. And I stopped taking medication for it when I enlisted at twenty-two.”

“I’d like to keep you here for another few hours and take regular blood samples. I intend to send them to the main lab at the UEO headquarters and see what their thoughts are. Maybe we can look at online counselling to help with the anxiety.”

Lucas visited you that morning before his shift. He stood at your bedside and smiled sadly. “How are you feeling?”

“A lot calmer but tired. The doctor says I have a virus which isn’t identified, and isn’t sure if it’s linked to my panic attack and passing out last night.”

“If you need anything at all, I’m here. Just ask.” He reached out and touched your hand, but you flinched and pulled away.

“Don’t!” you said sternly.

“You’re letting Captain Hudson dictate our lives!” Lucas hissed.

Your heart began to pound again and the sharp pains built, radiating through your chest like forks of electricity. You gasped, trying desperately to get your breath. “Get….out….” you were able to say.

“Ensign, please leave,” the doctor ordered.

Later that morning and Lucas was pulled into Captain Hudson’s quarters. Lucas, as usual, stood with his jaw clenched and his eyes glaring in anger at the captain.

“You are not to visit her again, Ensign! Do I make myself clear?” Hudson boomed. “It’s funny how both attacks she’s suffered have been when in your company. Not only does she have more moral integrity than you and professionalism by requesting a transfer, but she’s fighting an unknown virus. I will not have you put more on her shoulders.”

“I’ve put nothing…”

“ _Enough_!” Hudson shouted. “I’m _this_ close,” he began, holding his forefinger and thumb close together for emphasis, “to shredding her transfer request and putting you aboard another vessel instead. Captain Bridger allowed you far too much freedom on this boat. You’ll learn to keep your mouth shut, follow orders and not back answer me. Is that clear?”

“Yes, Sir,” Lucas growled.

“Good. Get out of my sight,” Hudson shot back.

You remained in the Med Bay for the rest of the day. Lonnie came to visit and brought you fresh underwear and toiletries to wash with. She stayed for a little while, comfortable in your bedside chair, talking about what had happened on the bridge that day. “Be glad that you can have a break,” she giggled. “It’s not right without you though.”

“I’m hoping to be back in a couple of days. The doctor wants me to rest and de-stress, which is easier said than done in this place, especially with Lucas’ constant sulking.” You sighed.

“Hey, I know you think the world of him, but you can’t let him keep putting on to you. He’s stressing you to the point of making you sick. I know you requested a transfer and it’s because of him. He still has a lot of growing up to do.”

“You’re right. He does.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did watch an episode of seaQuest 2032 a couple of days ago where the relationship between Lonnie Henderson and Jonathan Ford develops a little more. I think it was called Destination Terminal. So relationships were permitted, but I'm taking a bit of liberty with this and spinning more of a drama with it, as I know intimate relationships aren't allowed in the real-life military, although I'm sure they happen. Haha! I'm also really developing a soft spot for Captain Hudson. I disliked him at first, but he's not all bad. The man's got a heart, even if it is a bit buried. 
> 
> This chapter becomes a little darker with paranoia, hallucinations and voices in the reader's mind. All warnings are in the tags.

** Chapter 3 **

You were released from the Med Bay that following evening and decided to head straight to the mess hall for a late dinner. After your panic attack that morning, you had found your body returning to normal. The doctor was happy that your symptoms had subsided but had still directed you to go back for daily check ups at 09:00 hours each morning. The blood sample he had taken was still with the UEO’s Science and Health Division, awaiting thorough analysis.

The mess hall was deserted by now, but the cook was kind enough to re-heat a meal for you before he finished for the night. Peace and quiet had finally settled in your chest as you ate slowly, savouring the array of flavours. You took a deep breath, smiled to yourself and glanced around the room. All you could hear was the gentle hum of seaQuest’s turbines. It was always enough to calm you.

Tony Piccolo entered a short while later, just as you were finishing your last couple of mouthfuls.

“Hi, Tony,” you said cheerfully around a mouthful of assorted vegetables.

“How are you feeling?”

“Good, thank you. Better,” you replied, watching him sit opposite you. “I’ve got to try and rest for the next couple of days, doctor’s orders.”

You couldn’t help but notice that Tony seemed uncomfortable, fidgeting with something in his lap. His brown eyes seemed to have a hard time focusing on you.

“Tony? What’s the matter?”

“I…know you’ve been sick…and it’s happened around Lucas, but he wanted me to give you this.” Tony slowly offered you an unsealed envelope with your name on the front. You took it from Tony with apprehension.

“I’ll, umm, read it. Thanks, Tony.” You took a deep breath and opened out the folded paper, seeing Lucas’ familiar penned scrawl.

_I thought I’d do this the old-fashioned way for one. I miss you so much, but I know that something has got to give. These last two months have been the best of my life. Thank you. But I’m terrified of letting them go. I know I’ve behaved wrong. I just couldn’t bear the thought of losing you. And I have to. It’ll hurt like hell seeing you every day and knowing we can’t be together. Please don’t leave. I need you in my life, even if only as a friend. No matter what happens, I will always have your back, and most importantly, will always love you. – Lucas._

Tears slipped down your cheeks as you held the letter. The truth, bottom line, simply, you couldn’t be without him in your life either. “I miss him,” you whispered and began to sob.

“You need to go to him,” Tony said softly.

“We could lose our careers!” you exclaimed.

“Does your career mean more than being with the guy you love?”

Lucas was sat on his bunk, staring absently out into the water of the adjoining tank wall. He pictured you, beautiful and graceful, swimming with Darwin, holding on to the dolphin’s fin, gliding through the water. His chest compressed and ached at the mere thought of it.

“Hey, Luke,” Tony’s voice came.

Lucas never even bothered to turn and look, his gaze still locked on the water. He then heard a sweet voice say his name, the voice of the one who caused this pain. Was he imagining it? Then the voice came again, paired with that familiar scent. He turned in confusion to see you standing beside Tony’s bunk, looking up at him with a smile.

Tony backed out of the room, feeling like a third wheel, but accomplished.

Lucas said your name and jumped down from the bunk. You both rushed together, stopping for a brief second to smile, your faces reflecting each other. Then you kissed, both of you groaning upon the impact. Lucas’ hand cupped your face and his other arm curled around your waist, bringing you in flush against him. His want of you was rising and he pulled away sharp. “I need to control myself when I’m with you,” he said, his blue eyes ablaze with lust and passion for you.

Both of you had only been physical a handful of times in your two-month long relationship, and this was out of fear of being caught. Lucas had grown to know his limits when with you, learning so much about what pleased both of you.

You fondly remembered one instance when you had made love in the Moon Pool whilst Darwin was out hunting fish. How could you possibly push all of this away? How long could you maintain the coldness of your façade towards him? The mask of a dedicated officer was slipping. True, you were dedicated to your duty, but your heart and yearning for Lucas was fast trumping that.

Lucas stayed with you that night in your quarters. To hell with the consequences, you had thought. And you made love for the first time in two weeks. The pace was slow, deep and passionate. As Lucas came, he groaned against your neck and told you he loved you.

“And I love you,” you whispered, kissing him softly.

You both remained together, basking in the afterglow of your intimacy. You lay facing each other beneath the warm blanket on your bed.

“Would you really give up your career for this if you had to?” you asked.

Lucas merely smiled and looked down. “I thought my answer to that would have been obvious.”

“I never imagined I’d ever be that to someone,” you said. “Least of all, someone like you.”

“Why do you say that?”

“You’ve got so much to lose, so much more than my ex fiancée ever did, but you still fight for me. He never did.”

“You were engaged?” Lucas asked in shock.

“It’s a part of my life that I rarely talk about. I was engaged when I was seventeen, and then we split just before I enlisted. He apparently fell out of love with me, but the truth is, I don’t think either of us were ever in love. It was just a relationship of convenience. I’ve had to rely on myself since, and myself alone. Maybe I want someone to look after me now.”

“I’ve got you,” Lucas told you, taking you in his arms. “I’d give all of this up in a heartbeat, my rank and seaQuest, so I could stay with you.”

As Lucas slept behind you, his arm draped over you, you began to think on the true reasons you’d submitted the transfer request. And there was still one question that needed to be asked. Did you do it to save Lucas’ career, or your own? It struck as both an act of selfish need and a need of selfless compassion. Which drive had been the strongest of the two? Or was it possibly a subconscious act of self-sabotage? A test to see how far Lucas would go for you? One thing was certain, if it was indeed a test intended for Lucas, he had passed with flying colours. None of it would let you rest. The questions, shame and self-hatred manifested more intensely as time went by that night.

You slipped out of bed a while later, your mind still racing. You had to force your hand to your mouth to stop Lucas being woken by your gasps.

_You’re selfish. You did this just to save your own career, not Lucas’. You don’t love him. You’re just enjoying the thrill of him running around after you like a lost puppy._

The voice was growing stronger, becoming almost audible, almost real inside your head.

_Lucas will find out and despise you. You’re selfish. You only pretend to care, when in actual fact you do everything just for yourself. Lucas deserves a beautiful girl, not an ugly, disgusting bitch like you, paying lip service to everyone just to make yourself look good._

It was after midnight when you stood in the calm atmosphere of the Moon Pool. Tears dripped into the tank as you stroked Darwin’s head. The dolphin knew something was wrong, sensing your turmoil. He bumped your hand, his squeals untranslated while the vocorder remained in its charging dock. His all-knowing eyes watched you in curiosity and suddenly you dropped backwards.

_Fuck! Even Darwin knows!_ _I’m a fake._

Panic struck you, the terror hitting you so hard like a hurricane. Thoughts and emotions swirled around you, a tornado of self loathing and hatred. You could feel your skin crawling, the sensation of bugs moving, becoming stronger. Until it all became too much and you lost consciousness, that feeling of dizziness pulling you under.

Lucas woke to see you gone and instantly jumped out of your bed, feeling a churn in his stomach. Something was wrong. He didn’t know how he knew it, but he did. He dashed out into the hallway to see Darwin hovering in the tank, his head moving in the way it always did when he was trying to ask for someone to follow.

Lucas followed Darwin back to the Moon Pool and rushed in, finding your body stretched out across the floor.

“Oh, no,” he whispered, getting down onto the ground next to you.

***

You opened your eyes to find yourself in the Med Bay; everything was empty and silent. There was only the beeping of the machines next to your bed. Wires were connected to you, keeping track of your heartbeat. The room was too silent for your liking, until a shadow began to move towards you. It was formless, only the outline of a person. It was hovering a few inches above the floor and moved towards you. As much as you wanted to scream, nothing came out of your mouth, not even breath. Every part of your body froze rigid and gradually the form began to develop, turning into a horrid creature. It had black eyes, fangs and blood dripping from its mouth. Its claws were outstretched, reaching for you.

The monitor next to you began to beep faster and faster. Until the doctor raced back in and saw you sat bolt upright in bed, your eyes wide and focused upon an area in front of you at the foot of the bed.

“Lieutenant?” he called. “Lieutenant?!”

No answer. Nothing else around you mattered, only the space before you.

The beeping got faster, until you dropped down on the bed and began to have a seizure. Your body contorted and your eyes rolled back in your head.

“What’s happening?” Lucas shouted, racing back in with a cup of coffee. He stood next to you, his hand brushing through your hair whilst he was on the verge of tears. He said your name over and over. “It’s okay. I’m here. I won’t leave you.”

“Please, move away, Ensign,” the doctor ordered, holding a syringe.

Finally, your body stopped convulsing and you went calm. The sedative relaxed your muscles, and you drifted into a dreamless sleep, for a short while. Your breathing and heart rate returned to normal, the beeping of your bedside monitor becoming less and less.

“What happened to her?” Lucas asked, stricken by fear and concern.

“She had a seizure. It seemed to be panic induced. I want to give her a full scan, see if there’s any signs of underlying epilepsy,” the doctor said. He looked almost a panicked as Lucas. “I’ve never seen this before, that’s if all her symptoms are linked and the same thing.”

“What are you going to do for her?” Lucas asked.

“Keep her sedated for a few hours and then gradually let her wake. The panic she was suffering was intense fear. Before you came into the room, she was bolt upright, eyes wide. She was looking at something there.” The doctor pointed to the space where you had been staring earlier.

Captain Hudson soon came to the Med Bay, his eyes darting to Lucas as soon as he entered the room. The scene before Hudson made a lump rise in his throat; his youngest crew member, Ensign Wolenczak, sitting with his head bowed in silence, his hand in yours, resting on the edge of your bed.

“How is she, Ensign?” Hudson asked.

Lucas jolted, startled by the Captain’s entrance. “Umm, the doctor has had to sedate her. She begun having hallucinations and had a seizure.” Lucas’ voice broke and he swallowed hard, staring at your pale face. He could see your eyes moving beneath your eyelids and he prayed that whatever you were dreaming was bringing you peace, not terror.

Hudson pulled a chair across and sat opposite your bed, looking across at Lucas, who quickly brushed tears away from his face with back of his hand. “I’m ….s…sorry, Sir,” he stuttered.

“Lucas?” the Captain asked. “It’s okay. She’ll get through this. She’s a fighter, and whatever is causing this, we’ll find a way to cure it.”

“Umm, can I stay with her, Sir?” Lucas asked. “I know that we’re not…”

Hudson felt a sudden surge in shame for his actions and sighed. “Take as long as you need, Ensign.”


	4. Chapter 4

** Chapter 4 **

That night, while you remained in the Med Bay, the mess hall seemed to begin hosting a midnight coffee refreshment for a handful of crew. Lonnie Henderson wandered into the room, drying the sweat from her brow and neck after waking suddenly from a nightmare of being suffocated by unseen hands. She saw Jim Brody sat with his head in his hands, and one of the engineers was resting with their eyes closed and their feet up on a chair.

“Tough night?” Lonnie asked, approaching Brody.

He gasped suddenly, nearly jolting out of his chair. “Yeah….ugh…..sorry,” he grumbled, and rubbed his face, trying to force himself more fully awake.

“What’s going on tonight?” Lonnie asked. “No one can sleep and everyone is on edge.” She then said your name and her eyes widened. “Do you think it’s got anything to do with her and the virus?”

“I doubt it,” Brody scoffed. “A virus that gives panic attacks and nightmares?”

“Come on, Jim. We’ve seen things more unbelievable than that in the last two years. We’ve contacted aliens and come face to face with Greek gods, yet we can’t believe that a virus may exist which causes panic and fear?”

Lucas remained in the Med Bay that night, falling asleep next to your bed. The gentle beeping of the monitors swept him into a dream. There was water, screams and fear. They were your screams; begging him for help. Lucas only remembered the cold water and your screams as he jerked awake.

Your eyes were open and you were smiling at him. “You okay? Have a bad dream?” you asked, yawning. You felt groggy, but strangely content, especially upon seeing Lucas.

He rushed to you, cupped your cheek and then kissed you softly. But gradually the kiss grew deeper, and hotter, until he pulled away. “How are you feeling?” he asked.

“Just tired,” you replied.

“Do you want me to get you anything?”

“Can I have a cold drink, please? Soda, milk, water. Just something cold.”

Lucas left the room and you pulled yourself up slowly. A thumping headache began in your temples and behind your eyes, a sure sign of tension and stress that you knew all too well.

***

The next two days saw more crew visiting not only the mess hall at night but the Med Bay, asking for advice on nightmares and panic attacks. Even Captain Hudson had noticed that he seemed more on edge of late. There were far too many crew affected now for it not to be noticeable and not be a problem that needed addressing.

Jonathan Ford and Tim O’Neill, along with a couple of the engineers, Dagwood, the chief cook and the doctor himself, were the only people who seemed to be unaffected. Every other person was showing symptoms, to varying degrees, of fear, panic and dread.

On the third day of you being in the Med Bay, a mild sedative still in your system to calm the nightmares you were having a night, you were awoken to Lieutenant Fredricks being pulled into the room by Brody and O’Neill.

“Please, don’t. They’ll run experiments on me,” she wept, pulling against the two men either side of her.

The screams had pulled you out of another beckoning nightmare with the visiting shadow demon, who sometimes came to you at night and stood at the foot of your bed. All of the noise and commotion shook you to the core, causing a shockwave of anxiety to race through you like a power surge. But your concern for your comrade still trumped the fear you felt.

“Freddie?” you called to her. She continued weeping uncontrollably as Brody and the doctor held her down on the bed, ready to administer a sedative. “Freddie? You’ll be okay. I promise. They won’t hurt you.” You slipped out of bed, almost falling in your weakness, and you took her hand in yours. “Shhh, it’ll be okay.”

The feel of your hand in hers, and your kind words, soothed Fredricks as the sedative was administered by the doctor.

“How can she feel so much fear when she has an implant?” Brody asked.

“The virus is somehow overpowering every other emotion in those who are the worst affected,” the doctor replied. “I don’t think the sedatives, long term, will be enough. The UEO still has no idea what’s causing this. They’re requesting blood works be sent of each crew member who is affected, which is over eighty per cent. I don’t know if I can get that many reports sent over all at once in the time frame they’re asking for.”

“How long are they asking for, Doc?”

“A week. I’ve only got the capacity to run five blood samples every twelve hours. That’s ten every twenty-four hours, and there are well over a hundred crew affected by this. If this gets worse, we may have to abandon the tour and return to land to fully hospitalise and test everyone. And we don’t know how contagious this is or where it came from.”

By the end of the week, the Med Bay was full. Most of the crew were utterly exhausted through lack of sleep due to night terrors. Frequent fights were breaking out over mundane issues. The latest fight had been when Tony Piccolo had had the last croissant at breakfast, pissing off an engineer. A broken nose and black eye later, Tony found himself in the Med Bay for a couple of hours.

You still kept dreaming of the shadow demon, and often you huddled under the covers, hiding from him, just in case he appeared at the end of your bed again. The fear seemed to come in waves; you would be peaceful for a few hours and then suddenly feel the panic rise and see the shadow at the end of your bed, set with glowing eyes and saliva dripping from sharp fangs. Nights were horrendous as that’s when the most fear came out to play and it hung over you all like a thick mist. Fredricks often woke screaming in the bed next to you. The engineer in the bed opposite you had had regular seizures. Thankfully, you had only had one.

The milder cases meant that crew had to continue working, despite being exhausted. Jonathan Ford felt as though he had had no sleep in a week. Every waking moment and he was on the bridge, taking the helm for part of it while Hudson tried to ward off the anxiety that was beginning to get the better of him. Tim O’Neill hadn’t seen his quarters in days, and was often found most nights dozing off in his seat on the bridge. Dagwood had even offered to help, but his kind offer was politely rejected.

Captain Hudson had been having regular talks with Secretary McGath, and it was now becoming a viable option to abandon the tour and return to shore. However, this virus was still unknown, and the UEO would have to make sure that strict quarantine procedures were put in place once the seaQuest returned to its berth. Crew would not be able to disembark immediately. McGath reassured Hudson that everything that could be done by the UEO was being done. The blood samples were being tested; each crew member, one by one, even those who were not affected and weren’t showing symptoms. Some were being tested multiple times. Even full genome scanning had now begun to try to pinpoint some kind of link to all those affected. The UEO had already received the sub’s black box recordings, knowing exactly where it was at any given time. No other infections had been reported in the waters recently visited.

Lucas lay in his bunk, listening to Tony’s snores from below. The snores had been louder and more obnoxious since his broken nose. Lucas was scared to sleep. Dark circles were beginning to frame his blue eyes, marring his pale complexion. Every evening and he visited you, sitting with you for a couple of hours. He would read to you, trying to soothe your nerves. But Fredricks’ outbursts would put you on edge and Lucas knew that any kind of relaxation was impossible. Whenever he closed his eyes, Lucas would see the water and hear you calling for him. It all felt so real, maybe too real.

The hallways were quiet, but then he would feel the energy buzzing from the mess hall, which was usually full of half dozing crew. Should he go for a wander tonight? Maybe a swim with Darwin would help. Or would the water only exacerbate the dreams?

He didn’t know how long he lay awake, but Lucas looked up at the pipes which ran above his bunk. He looked at the photo of you both which he had taped to the metal. You had your eyes open wide, shocked, whilst Lucas was gritting his teeth, pretending to be angry. He remembered fondly all the staged photographs that Tony took of you both whenever you were on shore leave back when Captain Bridger was aboard. There was such a happiness and peace amongst the crew. He remembered when Jim Brody had attempted to flirt with you once or twice, for him only to be scoffed at. Flirting had never impressed you. Humour and compassion impressed you.

He missed you so much, and slowly he turned over, pulling a pillow to his chest, trying to imagine it was you. To think that Lucas had been prepared to give up his place on seaQuest when he met Sandra just over a year ago. She had deceived him, pretending to interested in a relationship, when she only wanted the emergency codes to gain access to seaQuest. And now he was with you. It was a much, much deeper connection, that ran right through to his bones. It had become a dependency on you, a need, and considering that you were the one who had taken his virginity, that made everything so much stronger. Even though he had always had a crush on you since your first meeting, his very brief relationship with Sandra helped him forget the unrequited feelings he had for you. But then they came back even stronger. You had been the one to pick up the pieces of his broken trust that she had left behind.

Lucas lay awake, his eyes stinging with fatigue. Until finally he jumped down from his bunk and wondered out into the hallway, venturing towards your quarters. He just wanted to be close to you in some way, even if only sleeping on your bed.

The room smelled of you, sweet and flowery. And as he stepped inside, closing the door behind him, Lucas smiled to himself. There was a small stack of books on your desk with a pot of pens, all alongside your computer. A potted, ornamental plant and two matching china owls decorated the desk.

On your bed was your favourite patchwork quilt and on the wall were photos and little drawings that you had doodled. Lucas looked closer at the photos, recognising a few of you both with other members of the crew on shore leave. Then there were pictures of you with people whom he had never seen before, no doubt old friends or family members.

Lucas lay on your bunk and wrapped himself in your quilt, inhaling. He immediately felt warmth radiate through his chest and stomach, easing the tension. Exhaustion made it impossible for him to stay awake any longer, and gradually he fell into a deep sleep.

The dream changed; it was no longer water, but darkness. A light shone in the distance, a faint candlelight and when he got closer to it, he saw that he was standing in an empty garden. A candle, resting in a glass jar was upon the grass. He picked up the candle and began to walk, following a pathway. The whole place was empty, quiet and dark. The feeling of being so alone made Lucas’ heart speed up, pounding like a drum in his chest. Where was everyone?

He began to call, hoping someone would answer. But nothing. No one was there. Everyone had deserted him.

With a gasp, Lucas woke suddenly. He wiped his cheek, only to feel a tear clinging to it.

***

Captain Hudson reluctantly agreed for UEO officers to come aboard seaQuest in two days’ time to begin the gradual emptying of the sub of all crew. The crew would be taken to a contained quarantine facility in Florida whilst tests were still being carried out and their symptoms could be monitored closer.

Secretary McGath’s image dominated Hudson’s screen in his quarters. “Captain, it’s obvious that the crew aren’t recovering from this virus, whatever it is, and bringing the seaQuest into berth could possibly cause a contamination of the coastlines.

“So you’re saying that the boat has to be left out here in the middle of the Atlantic with no crew aboard?” Hudson asked in disbelief.

“Oliver, what else do you propose we do? The biggest cause for concern is the sub’s bio skin which can quite easily carry viruses and disease. Until we know what this virus is and how it’s affecting the crew, we have no other option. seaQuest will have to remain dead in the water until our chief scientists have figured out what needs to be done. All the sub’s recordings and mission data are still being analysed.”


	5. Chapter 5

** Chapter 5 **

You lay awake, crying. It was a week after your first panic attack. The doctor had been forced to begin turning crew away from the Med Bay to treat them in other areas of the boat, such as the mess hall and gymnasium. Because you were one of the first to show symptoms of this virus, the doctor made sure that you remained close by in the Med Bay so he could test you daily. You were the ‘ground zero’ case. Over the last week and you had seen panic attacks, seizures and complete mental breakdowns of crew. There had been fights, screaming and paranoia. It was clawing at you from the inside, the screams and bellows; even when things were silent, you could still hear it all ringing in your ears. Life in the military had been an enormous life change and exciting experience, but now there was a small part of you which was starting to regret enlisting. No bad experience in your life had come close to the last week.

Fredricks suddenly began to cry out in her sleep again, tossing and turning. Her blanket was flung onto the floor and the bed beneath her creaked. You knew you couldn’t stand this any longer. With tears still falling down your cheeks, you got up and ventured out into the emptiness of the corridor. It was always eerily quiet during the witching hours. With only a very bare minimum crew working, everyone else was either sedated or could control themselves enough to remain quiet. Your heartbeat quickened and you breathed deep. Whilst you held each breath in your lungs for a few seconds, you thought of Lucas. Your mind may have been working against you, turning your whole body into a ticking bomb, but you were adamant you would re-gain control of yourself again.

Once you had reached your quarters, you turned the large, round lock and stepped inside. To your surprise, you found Lucas curled up on your bed. His eyes snapped open and he jumped.

“I’m sorry,” you exclaimed, holding out your hand for emphasis. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

Lucas whispered your name and bolted from the bed towards you, his hands immediately cupping your cheeks. He looked down at you with so much happiness and contentment in his eyes. “I love you,” he told you. “I just like being close to you at night.”

You both kissed for a few seconds and then sank in each other’s arms. Being in Lucas’ arms calmed you, and you sighed. His body was warm, comfortable, protective. “What are you doing up?” he asked, his voice muffled slightly as he kissed your neck, the two of you still locked in an embrace.

“I can’t stand being in there, Lucas. Freddie cries and screams every night. The two engineers opposite me were shouting at each other again this afternoon, and I just can’t take anymore of this. How are you feeling?”

Lucas smiled as he drew from the embrace and looked upon you. Even when you were struggling mentally, you still put him first. “Don’t worry about me. You need to go back to the Med Bay. The doctor can keep check on you in case you have a seizure or panic attack again.”

“I’m prodded with needles every morning. He’s constantly taking my blood pressure and…” you broke down and wept. “I want to go home, Lucas. I can’t stand being here anymore. I feel like I’m going to die and I’ll never see my family again before the end….”

“Shhh,” Lucas whispered, taking you into his arms again. He gently took you over to your bed and wrapped the quilt around you. “I won’t let anything happen to you. I promise. Do you trust me?”

Through watery eyes, you looked up at your boyfriend. “You know I do.”

“Then trust me when I say that I’ll keep you safe. We’re all being taken to a hospital in twenty-four hours, and I’ll stay right beside you. I will never leave your side.”

You shook in Lucas’ arms.

He held you all night.

When you finally woke, you heard someone shouting, “She’s in here!” Commander Ford stormed into your quarters, terrifying you.

“What are you doing, Lieutenant? You were meant to remain in Med Bay,” Ford told you.

Lucas woke with a start and glared at Ford. “Give her a break, Commander,” he growled. “She can’t take it being cooped up in there.”

“No, Lucas. He’s right. I should have stayed in the Med Bay,” you said, getting to your feet to look at the Commander. “I just needed time away last night. It was getting unbearable being in there, and I wanted something more personal. I wanted to be back in my own bed.”

The doctor walked into your quarters, standing behind Commander Ford.

“Lucas, you should leave now,” Ford ordered. “You don’t want the Captain to know about this.”

“I was looking after her, Commander. She was terrified,” Lucas countered.

“Ensign, I understand that, but I’m ordering you to leave this room now. This isn’t up for debate.”

“Lucas, please. If Captain Hudson finds out…Thank you, Commander,” you said softly.

You sighed as you sat down on the empty bed in the Med Bay, where you had been housed the last week. The blanket was still tossed aside and a large dent in the pillow where your head had lain. Fredricks was still asleep in her bed next to yours, and for once she actually looked peaceful.

The doctor left the Med Bay about an hour later after completing his round of everyone there, and moved to the other make shift medical rooms. As he left, Dagwood walked in, mopping the floor.

“No point doing that. We’re all being moved out at 12:00 hours,” the engineer opposite you spat. He glared at Dagwood in sheer distain.

“What is your problem?” you hissed. “He’s only doing his job, more than can be said for you!”

Dagwood stopped mopping and looked between you and the engineer, his dark eyes bright with confusion and nervousness. “Dagwood is only doing what he normally does. Captain Hudson lets me clean.”

“And you keep on cleaning, Dagwood,” you reassured with a smile. “He can leave if he has a problem.”

“You fucking…” the engineer began, jumping from his bed.

In that moment, you felt your adrenaline rush through you, and you lunged out of bed, coming almost eye to eye with the engineer. “Go on, big man,” you growled. “Do it!” The engineer wasn’t a particularly large man, certainly not Dagwood’s size. He was taller than you by a few inches, but a little scrawny for working in the Navy and working with tools on a daily basis.

“Don’t fight,” Dagwood said in sadness. “Men don’t hit ladies.”

You scoffed. “I would loosely classify him as a man.”

Where had this sudden surge in anger come from?

The engineer attempted to grab you but was then tossed aside by Dagwood. His small frame was like a mere feather, light, to Dagwood. You glared at the man’s dark, evil stare as he was pinned to the wall by the Dagger.

The adrenaline was still surging, until suddenly you only saw darkness.

You opened your eyes and saw only bright lights. There was the chatter of distant voices on the air and the beeping of medical machines. Everything was pure white, sterile and reminded you of when your grandmother died. Disinfectant was thick on the air. All around you were curtains, which you pulled aside. Next to you was Jim Brody.

“Where are we?” you asked, battling your tired eyes against the blinding lights all around you.

“The main science and medical wing a few miles from the UEO headquarters,” Brody replied.

“Where’s Lucas?” you asked. “Are you okay?”

“Lucas is further down the room. But I think they’ve taken him for an MRI. We’re all going one by one. How are you feeling? You had another seizure,” Brody told you.

“Got a bit of a headache but I feel calm,” you replied.

“Good, you’re awake,” a voice came, muffled. You looked upon someone in a full body suit and protective face mask. You could only just see a pair of eyes staring out of the thick, plastic visor. “Your MRI results have come back normal as we took you straight in when you arrived. Your doctor tells us that you’re the first person to show symptoms.”

“Yes,” you replied simply. “Do you have any idea what’s caused all this?”

The man – well, as far as you could tell, it was a man – never answered your question and began typing on a handheld computer tablet.

“I take that as either a no, or you’re just not prepared to tell us,” you huffed sarcastically. “I think it’s the latter.”

Brody chuckled to himself from the next bed.

Suddenly you heard your name being called and you turned, tracing the direction of the call. Lucas came racing down the centre of the room towards you. “Thank God you’re awake,” he said, grabbing you in a tight embrace.

“Can you back off, please, Ensign?” the man in the suit asked, his voice sounding full of disgust.

“Whether you like it or not, he stays with me,” you demanded, and reluctantly let go of Lucas.

Lucas held your hand tight and remained by your bed side as the man in the suit took your blood pressure, temperature and another blood sample.

One by one, each person who had been aboard the seaQuest had blood samples taken, their blood pressure taken, MRI scans and had their files assessed. Even the crew who were seemingly immune were tested, their results showing as a baseline for everyone else’s. That afternoon, just before evening set in, and Captain Hudson, who had been being checked in his own private room, addressed the majority of his crew who were in the large open space which was filled with rows of beds.

“The seaQuest is currently being tested thoroughly for signs of what caused this virus to spread so rapidly. Before we’re able to set foot back on board, the boat will undergo decontamination procedures,” Hudson said. A large circle of people was standing around him, spaced out between their beds.

“What about Darwin?” Lucas asked.

“The dolphin is safe, Ensign. He’s been taken to a medical tank and is being tested the same as we all are. Secretary McGath advises me that scientists from all over the country are looking into this; doctors have been flown in and we hope to be back in the water within the next seven to ten days.”

“Do they have any idea at all, Captain?” Brody asked, his arms folded across his chest.

Hudson sighed. “It’s been proposed that what we’re experiencing is a hormonal reaction to some kind of natural toxin that has been brought aboard, which has probably mutated and become a virus. This could be why the dolphin hasn’t shown any signs of it, along with certain members of the crew, including Dagwood, who has a completely different genetic structure to us. Like with most viruses, some people are naturally immune and some people are affected worse than others. Our coordinates for the last month are being analysed to try and piece together where this toxin may have come from.”

Captain Hudson disappeared a short time later, having been called into a vid-link meeting with Secretary McGath and the head of the science division within the UEO.

Meals were given out: disgusting looking, sloppy food in metal trays. It reminded you of something the children in workhouse would eat in nineteenth century Victorian England. Brody had since swapped beds with Lucas and disappeared further up the room, allowing you time with your boyfriend.

“I can’t eat that,” you grimaced and dropped the tray down on your bedside table. “I’m starting to get suspicious that they’ve put something in it. You know what these testing facilities are like, especially when the doctors wear hazmat suits. It’s a wonder we don’t start turning into mutants or something.”

“Ain’t you a joy to be around,” Piccolo chuckled from two beds down to your left.

“Don’t tell me that you don’t get a weird vibe from all this though, Tony?” you asked, looking past the officer to your left in order to make eye contact with Piccolo.

“You heard what the Captain said. We should be out of here in ten days tops,” Lucas told you.

“I don’t quite believe that,” you muttered, drawing your knees up towards your chest. “Something doesn’t smell right to me about all this.”


	6. Chapter 6

You lay on your allocated bed, your eyes glued to the ceiling. There was not a single crack in the paint, no blemish in the colour. Just pure white. And it made your head ache. Lucas reached over and took your hand again, his fingers sliding between yours. “Hey? You okay?” he asked.

“Have you noticed since coming here that everyone seems calmer somehow?” you asked quietly, never allowing your gaze to move from the ceiling. “They know what caused this, and they’re using us as lab rats.”

Lucas sighed. “I doubt that…”

“Why? Why do you doubt?” you asked, your tone sharp and direct. “Do you believe everything the UEO spoon feeds you, Lucas? Because I don’t, and this isn’t paranoia talking. This is observation. Look around; everyone is calm, sleeping. Even Freddie.”

“They’re probably sedated. Can I ask you something?”

“What?” you asked, finally turning your upper body to face Lucas. Both of you lay on your sides, hands still joined, looking at each other. Lucas smiled weakly and then looked down at the floor, unsure of himself and worried about your answer.

“W…when we get back on seaQuest,” he began. You noticed him swallow hard. “Ummm, are you still going through with the transfer?”

The expression on Lucas’ face made your chest compress and you gripped his hand tighter. You sighed and kissed his hand. “No,” you replied. “Captain Hudson will probably kick us out, but I don’t care anymore. As long as you don’t hold it against me for…”

“I’d never hold anything against you,” Lucas whispered. He cupped your cheek, his free hand reaching across the open space between your beds. “I’m ready to face any consequence I need to, as long as I have you.”

***

You may have been completely wrong, you kept telling yourself as you lay awake. You couldn’t deny that you now felt calmer, safe, as though your very arrival in this place had cured you. Something was wrong with this whole situation; you checked down all the beds that you could make out in the dimness. The majority of crew were sleeping. A couple were reading further down the room who were closer to the light. It all looked like an old disused aircraft hangar that was now full of beds and medical equipment.

Lucas was asleep, resting peacefully on his side facing you.

You sighed and slumped onto your back, batting your eyelids. Maybe for tonight you’d wait it out, and tomorrow try to get at information. Like all military and government bases, doors were only accessible by someone with the relative clearance for that particular sector. Your UEO clearance would only take you as far as the main front gate due to the fact that you had no medical training history; your training was purely combat. This was where Lucas’ skills would be invaluable. Could he somehow remotely hack into the security mainframe and disable the locks?

However, the next morning, you smiled to yourself as you realised that accessibility may become easier than expected. Dr. Perry, dressed head to toe in a hazmat suit, swept down between your line of beds. She stopped at your bed and offered you a smile. She’d been on leave the last two weeks, but must have been notified of the situation which had occurred on seaQuest. If only you could speak with her and Captain Hudson, unless their suspicions had already been raised. Surely you couldn’t be the only one who was suspicious of this. Had they been putting the antidote in your food and drink? Maybe it was airborne and it was being breathed in by all of you. The possibilities were endless, but could your suspicious thought just be purely a symptom of this virus and nothing more?

“We need to talk to Captain Hudson,” you told Lucas a short while later, once Dr. Perry had disappeared from your bed to continue her morning round. “I seriously think there’s something behind this, and I don’t know why no one else can see it?”

Lucas was sat on the edge of his bed, his eyebrows furrowed as he watched you speak. You had a point, and a damn good one. He couldn’t deny that something smelt very fishy about this whole predicament. “I don’t know where they’ve taken him. I’ve got no way of communicating with him,” Lucas said. “Maybe Brody will know. I think Commander Ford has been put in his own room as well. I haven’t seen him since yesterday afternoon.”

“Don’t you also think that’s a little weird?” you asked. “Why are they keeping the commanding officers away from the rest of us?”

“Isn’t that normal though?” Lucas asked. “I would have thought that they’d have better treatment, being…”

“I don’t know,” you sighed. “Maybe it’s all in my head.” Tears began to well in your eyes and you could feel a lump rising in your throat.

“Hey?”

You looked up at Lucas. His caring, large eyes were focused on you. “It’s not all in your head. You’re right. Things are weird. We need to try and find some way of getting out of here and into the other rooms. Maybe we can find data of hard files which can give more of an explanation. Don’t doubt yourself. You do that too damn often.”

“We need to talk to Dr. Perry. Surely she’s not in on this, too.” The Irish doctor, Dr. Cullen, who had been overseeing your care had come on board temporarily a month earlier, offering his assistance while Dr. Perry was on leave. “And it’s only just occurred to me, didn’t Dr. Cullen come on board just before Dr. Perry left to go on leave?”

“Yeah, he did,” Lucas said, his eyes widening. “Why has no one else seen this?”

***

The rest of the morning passed by slowly. Lucas had since called Jim Brody, Lonnie Henderson and Tim O’Neill across to your beds. The five of you discussed the suspicions that you’d been speaking about earlier.

Brody stood with his arms crossed and sighed. Piccolo was in the bed on your left hand side and was listening in on the conversation, shaking his head as you spoke. Lonnie and Tim listened, nodding at regular intervals.

“What would the UEO have to gain by doing this?” Lonnie asked. “They’re putting the crew and ship in jeopardy, and what for?”

“Money, probably,” Lucas replied. “It wouldn’t surprise me if this whole thing is some kind of experiment to test how certain viruses and bacteria behave in a live environment, without the consent of the participants. It’s been done so many times.”

“Isn’t that illegal?” Brody asked.

“Well, for all intents and purposes, yeah. But find some kind of loophole and you can change laws on stuff like this,” Lucas replied. “Illegal testing has been going on for years. The only difference with this test, unlike a lot through history, we aren’t supposed to know it’s a test.”

“The military have been known to use psychedelic drugs on the enemy when in combat,” O’Neill said, piping up into the conversation out of his silence. “And some of the symptoms, the fear, paranoia and hallucinations, do seem similar to that, like someone having a bad trip.”

“But why would the UEO test drugs on its own soldiers?” Lonnie asked. “Well, a virus…whatever the hell it is.”

“Is this even the UEO, or have they been backed into a corner by someone?” Brody asked.

Piccolo chuckled to himself. “You guys have some weird ass ideas goin’ on here. Testing has to be done with consent. Remember my gills? Could only be done with my signature on a dotted line.”

***

Word seemed to move quickly between the beds after you had spoken with your crew mates. There were constant hushed whispers and suspicious glances everywhere. You now needed to speak with Captain Hudson, to help him see that something very sinister was going on. What would the consequence of this be? Could it put you all at odds with the UEO? If this really was what you thought it was, there was no way you could remain on board a UEO ship and wear a uniform bearing their badge.

As you looked around the room, you could see that no one had anything electronic with them. No one was wearing their uniform. Everyone was clothed in pale blue scrubs. There were no personal items. It was only the magazines and books that had been supplied, being offered out on a trolley when you all came to the facility. It was driving you insane now; you _needed_ to see the Captain. Since leaving seaQuest, you had only been able to see him once and that was when he gave you a supposed update of what was going on.

Doctors and nurses came and went, testing your blood pressure and even the urine that you had to collect in bottles. No lavatories. The food trollies came again, but you declined anything from them. Most of the people around you did the same. If this was some kind of experiment, then no way would you absorb anything that you were given. Sadly, the only thing that you couldn’t help but take was the air around you.

“You okay, Tony?” you asked.

He had been quiet most of the afternoon, mulling over in his mind all of the conversation that you and some of the crew had had near his bed. “Just imaginin’ drinking Pina coladas with hot babes in bikinis,” he said, lying. He rolled over to face you and smiled wryly.

“You’re a shit liar,” you chuckled.

“If what you say is true, then what happens?”

“I don’t think I could step foot back on seaQuest knowing that the UEO are doing this to us,” you said, your tone edged with bitterness.

“Guys? Has anyone seen Dagwood recently?” Lucas asked suddenly.

“No, why?” you replied.

“I’m wondering what they’ve done with him. And Darwin.”

“This virus wouldn’t affect them, would it?” you asked. “We really need to get to Captain Hudson or Commander Ford as soon as we can. There’s something to find behind those doors,” you said again, looking into the distance at the large double doors that were tightly sealed with a passcode and needed to be swiped by someone who had authority. “I know there’s something. Lucas, can you somehow hack remotely into the security mainframe and disable the locking system without anyone being aware of it?”

Lucas remained silent for a few seconds, his eyes fixed on the door. You knew that mentally he was calculating something and seeing the mechanisms in his mind’s eye. “The only way it’s possible is to open the key pad and upload an override. I’d need a pal to do it, or a tablet. And even then, I can’t guarantee that the alarms won’t be tripped.”

“Our only hope of getting behind those doors undetected is Dr. Perry,” you said. “She has the clearance to get through, but she’s got to be told what’s going on, and when she does her rounds, other doctors are watching.”

Piccolo dropped back onto his bed with a thump. “Sorry to keep you waitin’, ladies,” he mumbled. Then he closed his eyes and began to try and concentrate on his own imaginations.

“Once all this is over, how about we go on leave for a while?” Lucas asked.

You couldn’t help but laugh. “Who’s to say we’ll even still be officers when we get out of here? I don’t know if I could go back to it, Lucas. How can you trust an organisation that is behind all of this? And the Captain knows what’s going on between us, so he’d probably kick us off the boat.”

“Whatever happens, I think we need time away,” he said softly. “Just you and me. By ourselves. No Tony Piccolo butting in conversations.”

“Ha-ha, Luke,” Tony called, lifting his middle finger at the Ensign in a rude salute.


	7. Chapter 7

You waited, and every minute seemed to stretch into an hour. Lucas remained on his bed, quiet and contemplative. Both of you were mentally listing all the possibilities of how to make your next move.

Further up the room and Brody knew that he needed to intervene in some way; he was the third in the chain of command after all, and this meant he had more chance of getting to Captain Hudson and Commander Ford than anyone else. Finally, he got up from his bed and strolled down the centre of the pure white, disinfected room, towards your bed. “I’ve got the best chance of getting to Ford and the Captain,” he said, standing over your bed.

You looked up at him as you’d rested back with your head against the pillow. “And we somehow need to get hold of a pal or one of those tablets that the doctors were walking around with,” you said, sitting up. “Lucas needs something to disable the locking system without alerting anyone of the hack.”

“Is anyone scheduled to have a scan or anything?” Lucas asked. “If someone can get into one of the main treatment rooms and slip something into their pocket, then I’d have a chance. Otherwise all I can do is manually open up the swipe docks on the doors and that would send out an immediate security breach alert.”

O’Neill, who was opposite Tony, suddenly sprang up out of his bed. “The doctors wanted to send me for another blood test this evening. Maybe I could try,” he said, offering an accomplished smile. “I’m not sure about Dagwood.”

“Dagwood is being kept in another room,” Tony said, breaking his silence. “I overheard Dr. Perry mention him earlier.”

“I suppose that makes sense with Dagwood and Darwin not being human,” Lucas mused, then added a sigh.

***

A very basic plan seemed to be formulating. O’Neill would go for his blood test and try and grab an electronic gadget for Lucas to hack into in order to try and override the security mainframe. Then once the majority of doctors and nurses had turned in for the night, the next stage of the plan could be put into motion.

All of you who were situated in the main holding area, filled with beds, congregated in groups. The plan had moved through everyone, like Chinese whispers, grabbing attention. Would this have even come to anyone’s mind if you had not have whistle blown? And that thought was something you voiced with Lucas as the two of you remained together on your bed, sat side by side. Everyone else had shifted away, gathering in smaller groups around the room and leaving you two by yourselves.

“I don’t know, but without you, I don’t think this would have got as far as it has,” Lucas told you, admiration filling his voice. His blue eyes softened as he looked at you, love swimming in them. “You notice things that no one else seems to, and I think you’re amazing for that. I really do.”

“I don’t know whether it’s a blessing or a curse sometimes,” you mumbled. “I’ve always been the overthinker of everything, the born worrier. It’s like I can never take anything at face value; I have to pull it apart, inch by inch, and look for something that’s hiding underneath.”

Lucas chuckled. “I don’t see that as a curse at all. It’s truly a gift.”

The wait became unbearable. O’Neill had been gone nearly an hour now. Surely a routine blood test would not have taken that long. Had the medical staff somehow gotten wind of your plans? Were there microphones about the place? Had you been bugged?

However, O’Neill was finally escorted back into the room with two people either side of him in hazmat suits. The lieutenant looked on with a sly smile on his face, his dark eyes immediately darting over to you. He sat down on his bed, and silence overtook the room until the two people in suits had disappeared back out the sliding doors.

“I got something!” he exclaimed.

People began to crowd around O’Neill’s bed, wanting to get a look at what he had snatched.

“I got one of their pals and an ID card. Someone had left them on the table so I grabbed them when no one was looking,” O’Neill explained.

There was a round of relieved sighs and a couple of cheers.

“Well done, Tim,” you said, smiling at him and patting his shoulder. “Lucas? Can you do anything with this?” You passed the pal over to Lucas and watched as he analysed the small communication device. Brody took the ID card from O’Neill and studied it.

“Dr. Grant Holland,” Brody said, reading the name from the pass. “Thanks, Doc.”

“Give me an hour,” Lucas told you, his eyes never leaving the pal. He sat back down with it in his hands and began taking off the cover to look inside. You now knew better than to disturb him while he worked.

“Who’s going to go on the search party?” you asked Brody. He was your commanding officer, after all, without Hudson and Ford.

“I think you’ll need me,” Lucas said suddenly, never looking up from the job at hand.

“Okay, Lucas,” Brody said. “I’ll go. Henderson, you can stay and be in charge of everyone here.”

Lonnie nodded her head in acceptance.

“I want to go as well,” you said, straightening your back and standing to attention.

“Granted,” Brody replied.

“I’ll go,” Fredricks volunteered.

“Granted,” Brody replied again. “We should have enough with four of us. We don’t want too many missing from here to cause any suspicion.

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” you asked Fredricks, looking across at her from your bed.

“I’ll be fine,” she replied with an appreciative smile. “As you said, it’s strange how we all seem to be cured now we’ve come here. As long as stay in pairs, we should be fine.”

***

The four of you who had volunteered to go out into the main facility gathered together, discussing the execution of your plans. Brody had assigned you with him, leaving Lucas and Fredricks to pair up. You immediately knew that Lucas didn’t like the thought of being parted from you, but you both respected your commanding officer. “Once we’re out of those doors,” Brody began, “we split and make it our meeting place. I say we give it an hour and see how much information we can find, and if we can get to Commander Ford and Captain Hudson. Lucas, you and Fredricks take the pal, and we’ll take the ID.”

“I should be able to overthrow the whole security system so that you only need to put in a pass code of which I’ll create, and only us four will know it,” Lucas explained. He opened the plastic casing which fitted over the swipe dock on the double doors and began fiddling around inside, taking out a yellow cable, which he then inserted into the pal and began tapping away at the necessary keys.

“You be careful, okay?” Lonnie told you all.

“What’s the worst they can do?” you chuckled wryly.

“There are probably armed guards,” she replied. You looked at Lonnie’s concerned, dark eyes and knew that she wanted to come with you. But she was also the best person to leave behind and lead the remainder of the officers and crew.

“I’m seriously considering taking some well-earned leave when all of this is done,” you told her, offering an appreciative smile. “I want to get as far away from the sea as possible.”

Suddenly the double doors opened. “The code to enter all sectors is 7231,” Lucas told you. “If you can get your hands on another pal, then use that code and press the hash, and it should dial through to me.” The Ensign looked at you and slipped closer, turning his back on Brody and Fredricks. “Be careful,” he whispered. “Please contact me when you can to let me know you’re okay.”

“I will,” you promised and squeezed his hand. “I’ll see you soon.”

Lucas reluctantly let go of your hand and stepped away from you.

The four of you walked out into a grey corridor with dim lighting, closing the double doors behind you. You and Brody turned left and continued on, your slip on pumps squeaking against the shiny floor. The corridor seemed to go on forever, and every fifty yards or so on each side of you was a lab.

Thankfully, you found a discarded pal in the first laboratory that you slipped into. The lighting was so dim and oppressive and you looked around, seeing test tubes, chemicals and various other scientific apparatus on work benches and in cupboards. The pal had been left next to a Bunsen burner. You picked it up and clicked it on, then typed the code that Lucas had given you, followed by hash.

“Lucas?” you asked as white noise began to come from the device. “Where are you?”

Brody continued looking at the cupboards, inspecting the disgusting looking liquids and animal body parts which had been stored away for analysis. He wrinkled his nose and then shuddered.

“Thank God,” he said relieved to hear your voice.

“It’s only been ten minutes,” you giggled.

“Yeah, but I worried about you,” Lucas replied. You then distinctly heard Fredrick’s voice in the background, commenting and urging Lucas to get to the point as there was only an hour. “I’m going to try and get into this computer’s files. I’m in a lab. That’s all there is down this corridor.”

“Same here,” you replied. “Looks like old chemistry class rooms.”

You remained on the pal with Lucas; you could hear him tapping away on a keyboard, that faint and all-too familiar sound hitting your ears. “Classified, encrypted files,” he said after a couple of minutes. “seaQuest’s current tour log and all medical records of officers and crew have been encrypted. It’s going to take me at least twenty minutes to get into these. Go and find the Captain and Commander Ford if you can.”

“Is there anything on there that can help us get to them? Are there maps or blue prints of the facility?” you asked.

“Ummm, yeah…” Lucas mumbled as he tapped away. “Private rooms are up on the next floor, on the west side of the building. It won’t tell me who’s in them, but I’m guessing it’s where you’ll find Commander Ford and Captain Hudson.”

Before leaving the room, you grabbed white coats from a peg just by the door and put them on. Hopefully you wouldn’t encounter anyone on your search, and the basic disguises were better than nothing. Both you and Brody exited the room, checking both directions, and made your way to the stairwell which was at the very end of the hall. It was deadly quiet, a little too quiet for your liking, and to the point of making you suspicious.

“I don’t like this,” you told Brody. “It seems too quiet. Surely we’d come across someone.”

“Hey, don’t knock it,” Brody chuckled, running past you on the stairwell.

Around each corner and you both waited a few seconds, checking that the coast was clear. This floor seemed to be a little brighter with more lighting, signalling that there were perhaps people working up here.

Lucas and Fredricks remained on the level below you, reading through the files which had been encrypted. Lucas had finally got into them, and came face-to-face with over a hundred files which were filled with electronic documents reporting each crew member’s medical checks over the last week. The folder with your name in the title was opened first, and Lucas grit his teeth as he read through the report, completed and signed by Dr. Raymond Cullen.

_The ground zero case of the first experiment on board seaQuest DSV 4600. The Lieutenant shows signs of extreme anxiety, which was exacerbated by hallucinations, blurred vision, all classic symptoms of the LS12 gas._

More files were opened. What on earth was LS12?

_Lieutenant J. J. Fredericks has been the worst affected of all crew, becoming paranoid of those around her wishing to cause her harm. This is in extreme contrast to those who showed strong anger and retaliation._

_LS12 has proven a valuable tool that we hope to take further into production and complete more real-life trials. The scope of LS12 mass produced and available to all military sectors would beckon a revenue of billions for the MedLink Corporation._

All of your suspicions were true. seaQuest and the crew had played victim to a multi-billion dollar corporation which was offering the UEO plenty of money for blind participation of its military personnel. If this was the case, then what was the future of all of you aboard seaQuest? If the UEO had known about the undercover trials of the LS12 gas release on board the sub, how far would they go to silence all of your voices?


End file.
